Read our Dreambook!
Sign our Dreambook!
spam blocker - join the fight against spam!
Add Me! - Search Engine Optimization
Last updated March 6, 2008
Copyright © 1999-2008 :: Viable Design :: Valid XHTML & CSS
"Sure enough this morning came unto me / Silver wings silhouetted against a child's sunrise..." :: Jimi Hendrix's "Angel"
Our
Directors
Our
Members
Patty's Story: Sarah
Sarah Michelle Wilson
November 12, 1994 - September 3, 1997
My name is Patty. I am 35 and have been married for 15 years. For the first few years of our marriage we decided not to have any children right away. After about 4 years we decided it was time to try. We tried for about 6 years to get pregnant, but were not successful.
After trying for about 3 years we had the opportunity to take in a foster son that I had worked with years before in school. My husband was a little hesitant because he was ten years old and deaf, but he agreed. We took in Gustavo and he became a part of our family. We went on raising Gustavo and trying to have a child of our own for about 3 years. We had almost given up on being able to have a child; we had been trying for about 6 years. I just left it in God's hands to deal with.
In November of 1994, I thought I might be pregnant. I had been having different pregnancy symptoms for months, but having not been pregnant before I thought maybe there was something seriously wrong with me. I never even suspected I was pregnant; we had tried so long I just thought it was never going to happen. It was the last thing on my mind. At that time we were going through some stressful times and I thought many of my symptoms were from stress.
Finally, one day in November, I put on a shirt that was sort of clingy and noticed my stomach looked pregnant. Then I started putting things together and realizing I might be pregnant. I told my husband that we should do a home test, because if I wasn't pregnant, then I wasn't going to the doctor until after the new year when some of our stress was over. We got the test, really doubting that I was pregnant. It came out positive! We were so excited and scared. We knew I was along in the pregnancy, but not sure how far. I called the doctor and made the appointment. Due to insurance rules I had to go to my general doctor first for a pregnancy test and then get referred to the ob/gyn.
I went to him and he confirmed I was pregnant. He estimated 4 or 5 months along. He gave me an emergency referral for the ob doctor. The OB doctor wanted me to go to a nutrition class the next week and then come in to see him in 2 weeks. At first I accepted that, but then was really anxious to know how far along I was. So I called them back and explained that I had no idea when I had gotten pregnant and needed to know how far along I was. They agreed to let me come in on Monday, just to do an ultrasound and see how far I was.
My husband and I went on Monday and when they did the ultrasound, they said I was full term. Good thing I was already lying down and my husband was sitting. We were shocked, excited, scared and probably any other emotion you can have. The OB doctor came in and did an exam and said we should go today and register at the hospital and all that. He said all was fine.
I went back to see him on Thursday and all was still fine. He suggested we induce so that the delivery would be more controlled, as we didn't know if she was over due or anything. We planned the induction for that Saturday, November 12, 1994. Everything went fine. I was in labor about 7 hours and then Sarah was born. What a miracle. She was perfect. No problems at all.
Later that night the nurses noticed she was having "blueing spells." She was breathing fine, but was not getting enough oxygen in her blood. She ended up in NICU for about 4 days. She was perfectly fine and healthy. They just needed time for blood cultures to grow and give her antibiotics in the meantime.
After 4 days, everything showed fine and she came home. We were so happy and excited to have her home. We continued to watch her grow for almost 3 years. She was truly a miracle girl.
In September of 1997, Sarah came down with what appeared to be the flu. I was volunteering at our church on a Tuesday morning and Sarah was with her Nana and Pop. I got a call about 11:00 a.m. that Sarah wasn't feeling good and had a fever. I rushed to get her, thinking she was just sick. She felt pretty warm, so I ran to the store for medicine and then gave her that and a bath to lower her temp. Sarah always ran a high temperature when she got sick. I don't know how many times we had given her cooling baths. Every time she got a fever, it would be high. So this was not uncommon to me.
After the bath, she fell asleep. I called the doctor's office and they had no appts, but said to take her to urgent care. After she woke up, I took her in. By then it was about 2:00 p.m. We saw the doctor and he said looked like the flu. She had perked up a bit while at the doctor and her fever had gone down. The doctor ordered blood tests and urine tests. We finally left there and arrived home about 4:30 p.m. Sarah layed on the couch watching a movie, sleeping off and on. My husband arrived home and we just continued taking care of her.
At about 7:30 p.m., I called the urgent care to see if her blood tests had come back. The doctor told me her white blood count was a little high, which means she is fighting something. He said if she got worse or gets a stiff neck then take her to the ER, as urgent care closes at 8:00 p.m. About 9:00 p.m. her temperature went up again. We were getting ready to give her a cooling bath when we noticed a strange rash on her back and chest.
By the time we got to the ER, the rash was spreading down her legs, arms, and face. They took her in and the doctor knew immediately what it was. He suspected meningitis. They did a spinal tap, started the IV, ordered blood work. By then the rash was all over her body. She was lethargic and was not getting enough oxygen in her blood. We were just trying to comfort her.
All of a sudden her eyes dilated real big and she said she couldn't see me. We immediately called the nurse; she looked at Sarah and then looked at me and said, "Prepare yourself for the worst." I will never forget her big, brown eyes and the way she looked when she said that. I think I knew what she meant, but didn't want to believe it. I sort of asked her, "Worst, meaning what?" She just looked at us. She told us they would have to intubate Sarah, put a tube down her throat for oxygen. She said we should leave the room for that. I understood and agreed.
Before and during all this my husband was frantically trying to reach his family and our pastor. When we left the room, I was still able to watch through a little window. As they were putting the tube in, her vital signs were going crazy. One thing too low, the other too high. I just kept encouraging my husband to go use the phone. I didn't want him seeing this. So I kept him away from the window, until they closed the curtain.
Before they closed it, I could see them doing CPR on her and I knew we were losing her and there was nothing I could do. The pediatrician arrived and went in with her. After a few minutes he came out and told us that they were doing CPR on her and he had tried everything and it wasn't working. He said they had been doing CPR for almost 30 minutes and that generally they do 30 minutes and then stop. I told him he had 5 minutes left and that we were going to be here praying and for him to pull out any tricks he might have left.
He went back in and about 15 minutes later, came out and told us she was gone. I couldn't believe it. This isn't supposed to happen. It all happened so fast. We were only at the ER about 3 hours when she died. We went there thinking she would get medicine and come home and be fine, then realized she would have to stay in the hospital to get better, we never thought we would leave that hospital without her. I know we were both in shock and just went into "auto pilot" mode.
Within five minutes after she was gone, the Elder from our church and his wife arrived. My husband had left a message for him that Sarah was really sick and where we were and they came there. I told them what had happened, and then I saw my mother, father, and sister-in-law coming. I took them into a private little room and told them. One of the hardest moments was telling them. They all loved her so much. After that I went into the waiting room and got our foster son and told him she had died.
The hospital said they did not have the facilities to keep her body and explained the options of autopsy and so forth. Of course I wanted an autopsy, I wanted to know what caused this, even though the doctors already knew. They called for the coroners to pick her up and told us it could take all night for them to get there. I did not care, I would stay and wait. I don't exactly know why I couldn't just leave her there alone. It is like she was still my responsibility until I had to let her go to the coroner. I would not leave until they picked her up.
While we waited we were allowed to go in and be with her if we wanted. I went in 2 or 3 very short times. It was too hard to see her like that. My husband and others stayed in there a very long time, but I couldn't. We waited all night until the coroner came.
When we finally got home, we had to face all the toys around the living room. It truly becomes a "living" room with the kids. Toys everywhere. My husband gathered it all up and put it in her room, as we had agreed on. I was on the phone contacting my family to tell them what had happened. I had to call my sister/best friend, my mom and brothers.
The next week was just a blur of activity, which was good. It kept me busy. We had people from church bringing food, family in from out of town, and the funeral arrangements to make. Our Pastor went with us and walked us through the funeral arrangements. So much to deal with and worry about at a time when we were really not in the right mind to deal with it. We got through it and all that was left was to prepare and wait for the viewing and the funeral days. I remember wanting the funeral as soon as possible, just to get it over with, but it would take almost a week before we could have it.
I thank God for making us wait that long. We were able to do some wonderful things during that time, that we might not have been able to do without the time. We had time to make many plans about the funeral and viewing. It gave time for a friend from church to get copies of photos of Sarah and make a beautiful collage that we put outside the viewing room and in the chapel at the funeral. They also got family and friends to write down their favorite memory of Sarah and compiled this into a little booklet that was handed out at the funeral. We thought of getting a hand and foot print of Sarah, because we had never done that (the kind pressed into clay). My sister-in-law asked the mortuary if they would do it if we brought the clay, and they agreed. I couldn't believe it. My sister-in-law took the kit to them, and they got her hand and footprints. What a blessing from God to give us the time to think of this, and the time to get it done and have the mortuary agree to do it. I think it was definitely from God.
So much during that week was from the Lord, I know it. We were able to think of and find a necklace that my husband and I had gotten when we were dating, 15 years ago. The kind where each person wears half. We put one half on Sarah, and we still have the other half.
We planned the viewing too. We gave ourselves 30 minutes at the beginning and the end of the viewing to just be alone with Sarah. We had brought a box of certain favorite toys of hers, her pacifier (it was her trademark), and 2 blankets from her bed. (She always had to have 2 at bedtime.) At the end of the viewing, everyone went out of the room, except our Pastor and Elder. We put all the things we had brought in with her, put the blankets on her, took a clipping of her hair, prayed and then we closed the casket together. One of the hardest things was saying goodbye, but it was such a beautiful goodbye. If we had to go through this, I know God made everything beautiful and gave us such peace.
The next day was the funeral. We had gathered toys to decorate around the casket, and we used one of her blankets to drape over the top, with two pictures of her on top. It was a beautiful service. Her daddy got up and spoke. He told of our 9-day pregnancy and what a miracle she was. God gave him so much strength to be able to speak there. My sister read a poem she had written for Sarah when she was born, and my sister-in-law read another poem called "God's Child and Mine." My brother sang a short song he had written in the days after Sarah had died.
After the chapel service, we had the graveside service. This was the most horrible week and days of my life, but since we had to go through it, God made sure that everything was how we wanted it to be and as beautiful as it could be. I know that God took care of every detail. My special colors for Sarah were pink and white. Her whole bedroom was done in pink and white. My husband would always say we needed to add some other colors to the room, but I insisted on pink and white. God knew how special that was to me. When we had to go and pick out her casket, there it was, a little pink and white one — I know it was from God. There were so many things that happened that way during that week and even after that truly gave me the peace that God was with us and carrying us through it.
It has now been about 2-1/2 years since Sarah went to be with Jesus. We now have 2 sons: Ian, 17 months old, and Jason, 2 months old. We had hoped to have another girl, but Jason is our last child. And Sarah will remain our one and only precious, little, miracle girl.